Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

---------

Four men go golfing one day. Three of them head to the first tee, and the fourth goes to take a leak. The three men start talking about their sons. The first man says, “My son is a homebuilder. He’s so successful he built a house for his friend, free of charge.”

The second man says, “My son owns a big car dealership. He’s doing so well that he gave his friend a new Mercedes, fully loaded.”

Not to be outdone, the third man brags, “My son’s a stockbroker. He gave a close buddy an entire portfolio.”

The fourth man rejoins the group, and the first man says, “How’s your son doing these days?”

“Well, my son is gay, and he go-go dances in bars,” the guy replies.

There’s an awkward silence. “I’m not thrilled about his job,” the guy continues, “but he must be doing well. He’s got new a house, a Mercedes, and an impressive stock portfolio.”

-—------

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town.

He’s going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a well-dressed blonde woman in the fourth row stands up and says, “OK, I’ve heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person’s physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person…because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large…all in the name of humor.”

The crowd is silent and, flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, “You stay out of this mister, I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”